As a "psychologist" (in education only), the word enabler has a negative connotation. It's used to describe someone who enables another to act in a way that is not good or generally acceptable.
Merriam-Webster says that an enabler is "one that enables another to achieve an end" that doesn't sound so bad. It sounds like someone who helps another accomplish something, not necessarily something bad.
But then the definition goes on to say "especially: one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior."
Well, for today my definition of enabler ends at "one that enables another to achieve an end."
Throughout life, I have benefited from many enablers. People who saw my potential and enabled me to act on my own accord. Not in a negative way (there are definitely some of those enablers in my life too.) But I am referring to those bosses who gave me autonomy because they trusted my judgment and ability. And the family members who allowed me to become my own person because of that trust. And all of the groups where as a volunteer I have been given responsibility because of trust.
I have learned so much from these opportunities, not only things about myself and what I'm actually capable of, but also skills and resources which spill over into other areas of my life. And I hope that I have enabled others to grow and become more confident as well.
So today, instead of comparing myself to where I am versus another, I look back and thank those who enabled me to get to this point...with aspirations for further enabling.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
#2 Flexibility
It's not even 9am on Monday and so far my work schedule has changed, my personal schedule has changed, three of Colin's sports schedules have changed, and there have been two conflicts to Pierce's schedule on Tuesday night alone. And, the only night that Kayla can do something with her dad, he's already got conflicting commitments.
#2 Flexibility
While it's easy to get frustrated, I am working at being thankful for my ability to be flexible. None of these changes has made things impossible. There is enough time in the day and we have reliable transportation as well as helpful friends to make it all happen. I am thankful that my family is so active that a slight change of plans reminds me of this gift.
#2 Flexibility
While it's easy to get frustrated, I am working at being thankful for my ability to be flexible. None of these changes has made things impossible. There is enough time in the day and we have reliable transportation as well as helpful friends to make it all happen. I am thankful that my family is so active that a slight change of plans reminds me of this gift.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
#1 Health
I'm currently doing a Bible study called She's Got Issues; seriously good news for stressed-out, secretly scared control freaks like us. I mean seriously...the title alone screams my name!
This week's lesson was called "Quitting the Comparison Game" and the assignment was to find one hundred things to be grateful for, paying special attention to areas of my life where I am prone to compare.
I figured this was a great inspiration for 100-days of blogging.
#1 Health
Yes, believe it or not if you've seen me recently, I am actually grateful for my health. I may be severely overweight, and I realize that this is not a good condition for me longterm, but so far God has kept be quite healthy. Knock on wood.
Realizing this appreciation for my health opened my eyes to the fact that despite being thankful for my good health (low blood pressure, good cholesterol numbers, stamina, strong eyes and hearing, etc.), I constantly compare myself to others. Because while everyone else is fighting elevated blood pressures and cholesterol levels, these high numbers aren't visible like high weight. So I will thank God for the health he's given me (and continue to look for the healthy answer to my weight loss goals.)
Who knows, maybe this will become a "before" picture in 2013?!?!
This week's lesson was called "Quitting the Comparison Game" and the assignment was to find one hundred things to be grateful for, paying special attention to areas of my life where I am prone to compare.
I figured this was a great inspiration for 100-days of blogging.
#1 Health
Yes, believe it or not if you've seen me recently, I am actually grateful for my health. I may be severely overweight, and I realize that this is not a good condition for me longterm, but so far God has kept be quite healthy. Knock on wood.
Realizing this appreciation for my health opened my eyes to the fact that despite being thankful for my good health (low blood pressure, good cholesterol numbers, stamina, strong eyes and hearing, etc.), I constantly compare myself to others. Because while everyone else is fighting elevated blood pressures and cholesterol levels, these high numbers aren't visible like high weight. So I will thank God for the health he's given me (and continue to look for the healthy answer to my weight loss goals.)
Who knows, maybe this will become a "before" picture in 2013?!?!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Here we go...summer break 2012
"Break"...that's a relative term this time of year.
Yes, the kids get a break from their routine of school, homework, and some activities.
Pierce & I get a break from early morning rituals and school night preparations like dinner at a timely hour.
But we don't seem to get a break from the busy nature of our lives. I am not complaining; it's all self-imposed. I'm anxious to see how it all pans out, but I'm not complaining.
Kayla will be volunteering at Hermitage Technical Center Monday-Thursday for the next 3+ weeks. She's got to be there by 8am, which means I'll be getting up most mornings to drive her (because I'm not keen on being housebound every day by giving her the van.)
Colin's got swim teach practice from 11-12. Thank goodness for friends & carpools as both kids' morning activities end at the same time, but not at the same destination.
Kayla joined the gym and will want use of the vehicle to utilize that membership, but we'll also be working around nightly all-stars practice with Colin. Then there's weekly swim meets, baking projects, camps, scrimmages & tournaments, baseball & music lessons, summer assignments, pet-sitting gigs, my part-time job, and my own gym schedule. All this while helping to train "our" new puppy.
This oughta be fun...
Yes, the kids get a break from their routine of school, homework, and some activities.
Pierce & I get a break from early morning rituals and school night preparations like dinner at a timely hour.
But we don't seem to get a break from the busy nature of our lives. I am not complaining; it's all self-imposed. I'm anxious to see how it all pans out, but I'm not complaining.
Kayla will be volunteering at Hermitage Technical Center Monday-Thursday for the next 3+ weeks. She's got to be there by 8am, which means I'll be getting up most mornings to drive her (because I'm not keen on being housebound every day by giving her the van.)
Colin's got swim teach practice from 11-12. Thank goodness for friends & carpools as both kids' morning activities end at the same time, but not at the same destination.
Kayla joined the gym and will want use of the vehicle to utilize that membership, but we'll also be working around nightly all-stars practice with Colin. Then there's weekly swim meets, baking projects, camps, scrimmages & tournaments, baseball & music lessons, summer assignments, pet-sitting gigs, my part-time job, and my own gym schedule. All this while helping to train "our" new puppy.
This oughta be fun...
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
I don't have "it"...and I don't think many in my generation do either
My parents have always danced. At least, they've danced as long as I can remember.
They square danced when we were little (round danced too.) Toted us around to square dance weekends at campgrounds in Pennsylvania and practice workshops in the area. Many of my summertime memories were from Cherry Ridge Square Dance Campground. I even tried square dancing out myself sometime in later elementary school. That didn't last.
This travelling for dancing actually came in handy when I was in college. They went to a workshop on Long Island and I'd hitch a ride with them to visit my boyfriend. They even square danced at our wedding (not my proudest bridal moment but they enjoyed it.)
I think that's the first time I noticed "it." My parents & their friends knew HOW to dance. Not just rock back and forth or do the Electric Slide, they knew how to count, and turn, and lead.
Sometime after I got married, they started couples line dancing. They started teaching couples line dancing for the Town of Cortland. Then they started hosting dance weekends in New Hampshire, and they still teach dancing to this day in The Villages. Every Monday morning (when they're not travelling), they tote their equipment & music and teach others.
We were in The Villages last weekend for my father's 80th birthday including a surprise party. That's when I saw "it" again. Most of the guests were from three "circles" of my parent's friends: dancers, RVers, and neighbors. My mother hired a DJ and told them "there WILL be dancing." When the party got started, my mother told the guests to "respect each other's dance space." And this is why...they ALL danced! And they all danced correctly but in their own style.
There was a group who could line dance to any song played. There were those who danced the classic couples "ballroom" dances. I was envious at how naturally dancing came to them, and sad to think that my generation seems to have missed out on this timeless enjoyment.
Now Pierce can "cut a rug" on the dance floor, but that's more to party music. What stands out when my parents & their friends take the dance floor, is the synchronization. Whether they're waltzing, two-stepping, or cha-cha'ing, they all have "it."
They square danced when we were little (round danced too.) Toted us around to square dance weekends at campgrounds in Pennsylvania and practice workshops in the area. Many of my summertime memories were from Cherry Ridge Square Dance Campground. I even tried square dancing out myself sometime in later elementary school. That didn't last.
This travelling for dancing actually came in handy when I was in college. They went to a workshop on Long Island and I'd hitch a ride with them to visit my boyfriend. They even square danced at our wedding (not my proudest bridal moment but they enjoyed it.)
I think that's the first time I noticed "it." My parents & their friends knew HOW to dance. Not just rock back and forth or do the Electric Slide, they knew how to count, and turn, and lead.
Sometime after I got married, they started couples line dancing. They started teaching couples line dancing for the Town of Cortland. Then they started hosting dance weekends in New Hampshire, and they still teach dancing to this day in The Villages. Every Monday morning (when they're not travelling), they tote their equipment & music and teach others.
We were in The Villages last weekend for my father's 80th birthday including a surprise party. That's when I saw "it" again. Most of the guests were from three "circles" of my parent's friends: dancers, RVers, and neighbors. My mother hired a DJ and told them "there WILL be dancing." When the party got started, my mother told the guests to "respect each other's dance space." And this is why...they ALL danced! And they all danced correctly but in their own style.
There was a group who could line dance to any song played. There were those who danced the classic couples "ballroom" dances. I was envious at how naturally dancing came to them, and sad to think that my generation seems to have missed out on this timeless enjoyment.
Now Pierce can "cut a rug" on the dance floor, but that's more to party music. What stands out when my parents & their friends take the dance floor, is the synchronization. Whether they're waltzing, two-stepping, or cha-cha'ing, they all have "it."
Friday, March 30, 2012
Friday Feast Nights Haywood-style 3/30 edition
I have been so slack on updating my blog! My problem is that I think about something to blog and then my mind goes off on tangents and I never get to typing. So I decided to try to keep things simple to get back into the habit.
I've told you previously about "Friday Feast Nights Haywood-style." Colin's already met up with his friend for a little while and Kayla just headed out for a jog. I've placed our dinner order from Little Szechuan for Pierce to pick up on his way home from work, and I just took a fresh batch of brownies out of the oven...the house smells AwEsOmE.
We're on to another season of American Idol. Heejun is a hoot but not sure how he's made is this far, Phillip Phillips could be my Jon Bon Jovi if I were 20 years younger, and Holly is just a sweet little girl with a big voice. Could this be our last supper with Heejun?!?!
We'll savor the relaxing evening, as the rest of the weekend is filled with early mornings, AP prep sessions, homework, and baseball.
Happy Friday y'all!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
fountain diet cola
I don't remember when it started.
I don't remember drinking much soda as a kid. I do remember that 2-liter bottles of diet 7-Up were a staple in my house, but I don't think I drank it very often. I know I had an occasional grape or orange soda when camping as a kid and Shirley Temples at Grandma Meyer's on holidays. I can actually remember getting sick on lemon-lime soda at the beach and swearing it off for awhile.
But I don't remember when the daily consumption began. I know there was a McDonald's in front of the grocery store where I worked in high school...did I stop there on my way to work? I don't recall. The fact is that soda fountains weren't as readily available when I was a teen as they are now. Anyway...
The first time I remember consistently getting a fountain soda was in college. I think the dining hall near the academics building was called "The Hub" and I remember slipping in there for a soda on my way to classes. White styrofoam cups, ice, carbonated diet cola, a lid and a straw. Mmmmm... Little did I know this was the beginning of a 27-year habit.
I don't know if getting a soda before class happened every time, but what I do remember is that when I was living in Rensselaer NY, I stopped at a McDonald's* for a soda on my way to work every single day. And it's been that way ever since.
When I'd go to visit my then-boyfriend's mother (now mother-in-law) she'd always have diet Pepsi for me because the closest fountain was about 30 minutes away. (I don't know when I switched from diet Pepsi to diet Coke but I cannot stand diet Pepsi now. At all.)
Getting a soda was part of me. We even went to McDonald's drive-through for a soda on the way home from our wedding...in full wedding attire! It was not uncommon for me to scope out the location of where the morning's 'bubbles' would come from upon arrival at a trip destination. I loved me some diet soda out of a fountain.
About six years ago I decided to try to "quit the addiction." I went through a little bit of withdrawal when I cut back on the caffeine (felt like I had the flu for a couple of days), but I never felt like that was really the addiction. That was just an added perk to the pleasure of carbonation on ice. At that time, it was when I tried to go without carbonation that I hit a stumbling block. It turns out that's what I was "addicted" to...the carbonation...on ice.
So I cut back on my diet Coke consumption dramatically, but not completely. And I've slowly crept back up, but not to the same point, thankfully. As a matter of fact, I can't stand the taste of diet Coke after 12pm. What's up with that?!?! It used to be my go-to beverage on the way home from work, when going out to dinner, etc. Whatever...this new-found distaste for diet Coke after 12pm worked in keeping my consumption down.
But now I've got lots of reasons to quit. And the number one reason is desire. So I stopped the caffeine with one night of fatigue and that was it. And I've stopped the carbonation with no withdrawal symptoms.
WAIT! WHAT?! No withdrawal from the beloved carbonation?
Well...what I did was treat myself to my second-favorite beverage during this first week of quitting...a Chick-fil-A diet lemonade. A non-carbonated yet tangy beverage to satisfy the craving. (By the way, I HAVE NO DESIRE TO REPLACE MY DIET COKE HABIT. I'm not going to start drinking tea or tonic or anything other than delicious, nutritious water. I am not looking for an alternative.) I just wanted to help myself adjust to the lack of carbonation since that was such a stumbling block last time and felt that the diet lemonade would soften that craving.
But what I've discovered is that what I thought was an addiction is actually more of a habit. Wikipedia says it best:
"Historically, addiction has been defined as physical and psychological dependence on psychoactive substances (for example alcohol, tobacco, heroin, caffeine and other drugs) which cross the blood-brain barrier once ingested, temporarily altering the chemical milieu of the brain." Whereas a habit is "an acquired pattern of behavior that often occurs automatically"
My desire for a fountain soda has nothing to do with caffeine, diet Coke, or carbonation. My habit is to get up every morning with the first goal being to get ready and head out. I even start to look forward to this the night before, thinking about what time I need to get up to be sure I get my soda before the days tasks need to begin. No matter where I am -- at home, on vacation, visiting family / friends -- for as long as I can remember my mornings have consisted of getting up, getting showered & dressed, and heading out for a soda. Plans have revolved around this habit. If someone is picking me up for an early morning event, I will get up even earlier to head out and be sure I've got that beverage before the day gets started. This summer I drove 24 miles round trip every morning to get a diet Coke from McDonalds in town. It was, in some respects, the highlight to my day. The one consistent. The one thing I could control without question. At home, it was almost like Norm going to Cheers. I went to 7-Eleven on Huron Road 90% of the time and always knew someone there, be it an employee or a customer. I've made friends, networked, and cheered on others.
*Remember how I said I went to McDonald's in Rensselaer daily when I was living in Albany? The reason I remember that is that in order to get to the drive through I actually drove past the building and around. It got to the point where the person who always worked the drive through window looked for me to drive past and had my soda ready before I even placed my order. The first of many personal connections this habit created.
I feel better knowing that it's a habit rather than an addiction. I will survive without the caffeine, Aspartame, and carbonation. I've just got to find a new morning routine and THAT is going to be a challenge. The trips to Chick-fil-A end tomorrow.
I don't remember drinking much soda as a kid. I do remember that 2-liter bottles of diet 7-Up were a staple in my house, but I don't think I drank it very often. I know I had an occasional grape or orange soda when camping as a kid and Shirley Temples at Grandma Meyer's on holidays. I can actually remember getting sick on lemon-lime soda at the beach and swearing it off for awhile.
But I don't remember when the daily consumption began. I know there was a McDonald's in front of the grocery store where I worked in high school...did I stop there on my way to work? I don't recall. The fact is that soda fountains weren't as readily available when I was a teen as they are now. Anyway...
The first time I remember consistently getting a fountain soda was in college. I think the dining hall near the academics building was called "The Hub" and I remember slipping in there for a soda on my way to classes. White styrofoam cups, ice, carbonated diet cola, a lid and a straw. Mmmmm... Little did I know this was the beginning of a 27-year habit.
I don't know if getting a soda before class happened every time, but what I do remember is that when I was living in Rensselaer NY, I stopped at a McDonald's* for a soda on my way to work every single day. And it's been that way ever since.
When I'd go to visit my then-boyfriend's mother (now mother-in-law) she'd always have diet Pepsi for me because the closest fountain was about 30 minutes away. (I don't know when I switched from diet Pepsi to diet Coke but I cannot stand diet Pepsi now. At all.)
Getting a soda was part of me. We even went to McDonald's drive-through for a soda on the way home from our wedding...in full wedding attire! It was not uncommon for me to scope out the location of where the morning's 'bubbles' would come from upon arrival at a trip destination. I loved me some diet soda out of a fountain.
About six years ago I decided to try to "quit the addiction." I went through a little bit of withdrawal when I cut back on the caffeine (felt like I had the flu for a couple of days), but I never felt like that was really the addiction. That was just an added perk to the pleasure of carbonation on ice. At that time, it was when I tried to go without carbonation that I hit a stumbling block. It turns out that's what I was "addicted" to...the carbonation...on ice.
So I cut back on my diet Coke consumption dramatically, but not completely. And I've slowly crept back up, but not to the same point, thankfully. As a matter of fact, I can't stand the taste of diet Coke after 12pm. What's up with that?!?! It used to be my go-to beverage on the way home from work, when going out to dinner, etc. Whatever...this new-found distaste for diet Coke after 12pm worked in keeping my consumption down.
But now I've got lots of reasons to quit. And the number one reason is desire. So I stopped the caffeine with one night of fatigue and that was it. And I've stopped the carbonation with no withdrawal symptoms.
WAIT! WHAT?! No withdrawal from the beloved carbonation?
Well...what I did was treat myself to my second-favorite beverage during this first week of quitting...a Chick-fil-A diet lemonade. A non-carbonated yet tangy beverage to satisfy the craving. (By the way, I HAVE NO DESIRE TO REPLACE MY DIET COKE HABIT. I'm not going to start drinking tea or tonic or anything other than delicious, nutritious water. I am not looking for an alternative.) I just wanted to help myself adjust to the lack of carbonation since that was such a stumbling block last time and felt that the diet lemonade would soften that craving.
But what I've discovered is that what I thought was an addiction is actually more of a habit. Wikipedia says it best:
"Historically, addiction has been defined as physical and psychological dependence on psychoactive substances (for example alcohol, tobacco, heroin, caffeine and other drugs) which cross the blood-brain barrier once ingested, temporarily altering the chemical milieu of the brain." Whereas a habit is "an acquired pattern of behavior that often occurs automatically"
My desire for a fountain soda has nothing to do with caffeine, diet Coke, or carbonation. My habit is to get up every morning with the first goal being to get ready and head out. I even start to look forward to this the night before, thinking about what time I need to get up to be sure I get my soda before the days tasks need to begin. No matter where I am -- at home, on vacation, visiting family / friends -- for as long as I can remember my mornings have consisted of getting up, getting showered & dressed, and heading out for a soda. Plans have revolved around this habit. If someone is picking me up for an early morning event, I will get up even earlier to head out and be sure I've got that beverage before the day gets started. This summer I drove 24 miles round trip every morning to get a diet Coke from McDonalds in town. It was, in some respects, the highlight to my day. The one consistent. The one thing I could control without question. At home, it was almost like Norm going to Cheers. I went to 7-Eleven on Huron Road 90% of the time and always knew someone there, be it an employee or a customer. I've made friends, networked, and cheered on others.
*Remember how I said I went to McDonald's in Rensselaer daily when I was living in Albany? The reason I remember that is that in order to get to the drive through I actually drove past the building and around. It got to the point where the person who always worked the drive through window looked for me to drive past and had my soda ready before I even placed my order. The first of many personal connections this habit created.
I feel better knowing that it's a habit rather than an addiction. I will survive without the caffeine, Aspartame, and carbonation. I've just got to find a new morning routine and THAT is going to be a challenge. The trips to Chick-fil-A end tomorrow.
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